Coping Mechanism

Everyone has their own coping mechanism in bad situations and I think it's both sad and good to learn about them at the same time. 

The fact that anyone needs a way to cope, that their life is that sad that they can't just go about their normal ways, now that is sad... And sometimes the way they cope is heartbreaking as well... But that they have found a way to deal with it that helps them, I guess that's nice! 

Imagination can save a life, and in many cases it has. 
You often hear of people that were raped or tortured that they say they left their body, left their mind.. and just went somewhere safe until it was over. It's quite amazing how the human mind can save you from pain by just thinking extra hard for a while.

The reason I am writing this now is because I randomly remembered that I used to do this when I was a child and didn't know how to cope with life. I would simply not be in that life until I had something to occupy myself with. So I would not have to think or worry, I could just leave until I was too busy to sit down and think a bout stuff. 

I have never ever considered my childhood to be a bad one, and I never will... Because I had a wonderful family there with me and I had many good friends through the years. I never went hungry and I always knew I was safe with my mother and sister and the three of us did just fine. 

But this story I am about to write clearly shows that my mind as a child wanted it to be different. 

I had a lot of troubles going to school, and was pretty much a huge tantrum in a tiny body! All the days I did not go to school really upset my mother, and I felt guilty for not doing what I was meant to do, as all kids do... Go to school ain't that difficult is it? Well it was for me! 

So those days when I stayed home alone I had A LOT of time to think... something that was awful. So i went into a different world, I was usually some kind of animal... I've all ways admired animals so that's not really too weird, but I would all ways be a baby animal, and there would be a mother and a father animal as well! As in most kids stories! 

What I have now realized tho is the symbolism in what the stories was about... 
I, as the baby animal would get into trouble... and the mother animal would be upset and try to help... and then the big strong father animal would come fix everything! And we would live happily ever after.... 
And I went through scenarios like these in my mind close to every day for many years...  this was my escape from dealing with not being good enough and not being able to do things right.

Hm...

A small child might have more insight to life then we sometimes realize....

Daddy's Little Girl..

It's a wonderful thing what a dad and a daughter can have, being “Daddy's little girl” is something a lot of women can remember, or might still be! It has no age limit, it's simply a title filled with love and respect. The dad is a strong yet loving male figure in ones life and this can give you a great example on how men should treat you when you grow up! Or a horrible one... Sadly more often then it should be it's a bad one.

What really happens if this bubble bursts...

In a young girls eyes her dad should and hopefully is the one who protects you and will always be there when you are in trouble, but what if they are not? What if this once so familiar and safe person becomes someone you fear, someone you definitely can not count on to protect you or to help you?

No matter if you are a child or an adult by the time this shows itself to be the case, it's still scary.

Your on your own

At least that's how it seems at first! You might not be, you might have loads of family and friends there. But that's not always any help to you at the time.

The second you realize that this person you once looked to for being safe is now the thing you fear.

Is there still a place you're safe?

It breaks my heart to think about.

Usually I write some sort of self help way to make it better or bla bla bla! But I don't have any clue here I guess.
If you are one of these girls that “lost” their dad in that way, hugs for you! That's about all one can do! And hopefully the bond with your father may someday be healed.

When am I not "too young? (NAV logic).

This kind of thing is very popular to complain about in Norway, NAV as it is called here, is the social support system we have, similar to the dole in the UK.
It helps us get jobs, or helps us with money untill we get jobs, or support you for life if you got a disability ect! It does sound a bit silly that this is the system we complain a lot about here... but it is! Because it's a very faulty system, it gives support to lazy people who can't be arsed to work and it sometimes let sick people fall into the cracks of the system and it really fucks people over. 

Now this is not what I am going to write about, because in general I think the system works as well as you can expect, it deals with thousands of people every single day and MOST do get the help that they need. What I do not like with this office is that they hire anyone who can do the jobs in their office, at least this is how I see it. I have been in this system ever since I was old enough to be "their problem"! Every person involved with them get's their own case worker... I've had a few... and oh my f'ing god. THEY ARE MORONS. I met ONE person, that had actually read my file thru all these years there, ONE person who had any clue what would be a realistic goal for me, ONE person who listened and actually cared what my life ended up being. Clearly this is not the person who I get to stick with as my contact there, that would be too easy...

The people that know me are aware that I do not work, I can not work and I probably will never be able to keep a full time job, maybe with the right help I will in a few years be able to do part time! So I get support from NAV! (Despite the silly people that work there.) And I really appreciate the fact that I do get help and I am able to live on my own with the help form this system. Thank you Norway <3 (Despite the silly people that work there.)

But now... I have a question... I once again am looking for logic in something I've been told and I cannot find it! The very first time I went to a meeting with NAV, I believe I was about 17 back then, we were discussing what kind of support I should get from them and I had papers from doctors and all the needed stuff to prove I needed their help long term. But yet they insisted I only needed a temporary setup because "You are too young to settle with this support! You will get better and get a job soon so you don't need us anymore!" Ok, I can get that... IF that was even remotely realistic.... I told them and doctors told them that I was not going to be able to get better soon! So please give me long term help.. but they refused... 
I settled with that, because I kinda saw their point.. even tho my papers said I had been unable to do this for a loooong time, they had not seen it for themselves. So OK, I'll give them a couple of years and maybe they will give me long term help then! So I don't have to wonder every month if I will have money to pay my bills this time....

....

It's now been 5 years. They still tell me I'm too young to get long term help... so I still have to wonder every month... and hope it will work out with the bills. It mostly does! Thank god for that!  But it's starting to annoy me now... When am I old enough to earn the right to long term help? Are they just hoping I'll stop asking one day so they won't have to pay me properly? It's not like it's a lot more I get from them as in cash, but what I do get is the right to get a loan from a bank, help to buy a house or a car... I can't qualify for anything as it is now, because I am listed as "temporary" with them.
This is clearly bullshit, why are they doing this? It's not their personal money? They clearly know I am going to need their help forever... So WHYYYY! What's the point? Just to be assholes? I think that must be it. 

I will just keep nagging them till they give in... maybe when I am older then the case worker they assign me I won't be too young anymore... ...

..
.....
..

.....

assholes...

More logical then NAV workers:

Lonely?

So! My first "on demand" blogging! About loneliness! My pro tips to not being lonely... I'm a pro now.... yeh.. you heard me... I AM A PRO! Or something.... anyway...

This is about the not having a boyfriend/girlfriend kinda lonely by the way. As there are quite a few ways to feel lonely, which I might get back to later on this blog!

I think the first mistake when you are alone is to be bothered about it, whats  so bad about being alone? When you go around feeling lonely, you usually end up over  thinking everyone of the opposite sex says too you... Clinging to every thing that can be interpreted as flirting because you desperately want it to be! 
That rarely ends well... you can scare off potential new friends or even guys/girls that do like you by being too needy.

It's a evil circle that makes you more and more insecure and lonely, and therefore more and more needy and less likely to meet someone. People notice when you are really needy, at least it's easy to see if you are somewhat decent at reading people, and it's.. well let's face it.. Unattractive.. It's not what most people look for in a new potential partner. 

The only way to get better is to work with yourself, a lot.. I realize that is pretty much what I say in every blog about problems... fix it your self... but it's the only thing that really helps! You can get some person that will care enough to try help you but in the end other people can't all ways fix your problems. You got to step up and change!
More about change here! ;)


Start off with when you think someone is flirting with you, consider it for a few minutes... If you saw that person say the same thing to a different person... would it still seem like flirting to you? If not. It was not. Unless they tried to touch you or something.. O.o That is a obvious sign that you are special too them! Or they are slutty... 
Don't get emotionally involved in some random words someone said to you when they were drunk! Be more hard to get damn it! 
You pretty much have to care less... I'm not saying be a dick and act cocky.. But don't jump on every word your told and pray for flirting. Just chill! 

Soon as you calm down a bit, and you're not THAT needy, people will see a difference. You will seem more sure of yourself and stronger in general. Stand tall and be proud of yourself! It's attractive! For both men and women! :) At least it is for the kind of person you should want to attract... you don't want the kind of person that wants a weak partner... That's no good!  

Mood influences

It's so fascinating how your mood can influence how you see things... I got some nice examples lately that made me think... sometime last week it was pouring rain and winds strong enough to carry off a pony! My lovely "little" puppy was filled with energy and driving me crazy. The thoughts I had that day was "Shitty weather and stupid hyper dog, can't even take him outside for a proper walk to drain some energy without getting soaked... God, this is going to be a horrible day." And so it was... Because I was walking around being annoyed by the weather and the dog that wasn't going to get enough exercise for the day. When we did go out I was so annoyed with getting wet and cold and the dog was running around me like crazy pulling on his leash. CRAP DAY! I was annoyed, wet, cold and smelled like wet dog! PFT! 

But.. today! It's raining even more..  and loads more wind... And I didn't even think about how it would be annoying to get wet from the rain ect... I took puppy out to play and run around in the rain for a while, we both came back inside and dried off, then cuddled up with each other and it was super cozy! And just as I sat here looking out the window thinking this was a nice and cozy day with my lovely dog I realized the irony in it... How I hated the exact same day last week, but this week it was wonderful! Stupid mind making me have crappy days when I don't have to... Fuck you brain! 

So I've now decided... I'm not letting that stupid brain decide if I have a good or bad day anymore! At least I'm going to try not to... probably going to be a bit difficult at times but ah well! Can't whine if you don't try to make it better huh?

From now on every time I wake up and  think for some reason this day is going to be bad.. I'm going to take 5 min to remind myself what I would do in this case if I was having a good day! And try do some of that same stuff! I'm pretty sure it will help! And if not... I will still have the right to say I tried!

(Cuddles with my baby!)

The Right People

Lately I've been realizing that there are the right kind of people and the wrong kind of people you can surround yourself with.

 

The wrong kind is the people that when you speak to them you have to sit and think before you answer to make sure you say the right thing, if you say the wrong thing it's a huge pile of drama. 

 

The wrong kind is the people that drains your energy, after hanging out with them you just want to sleep and not talk to anyone for a while.

The wrong kind is the people that make you not want to have friends, family or any more contact with society really. 

But then there is the right kind of people!

The right kind is the people that even on a crap day they make you forget you're upset.

The right kind is the people that when you are tired they will make you act like a hyper active happy child instead of falling asleep.

The right kind is the people that makes you feel like you do have the strength to deal with the world, day after day. 

When the world seems to hate you, and makes your life continuously shit, you NEED the right kind of people around you, as hippy like as it sounds you need people with good energy!

In my opinion the general people you include in your everyday life should be a source of happiness and enjoyment, why have friends or stay close with family who don't make you happy? You might make someone upset by staying away from them, but don't waste your energy on people that only leech! Use it on people that deserve it.

If you have a friend or a family member that makes you feel better just by having a conversation about anything at all, then make sure they know you love them to bits! And that you really appreciate the fact you are lucky enough to have them in your life. 

Those of you who are like this to me I believe you all ready do know, at least my friends do (and to my mum this concerns you too!). I love you so much! And I could not go a day without you all. You give me strength and make me smile! And I hope I can be a "right kind of person" to you guys as well! :) 

YOLO

"Kids" at the current time are completely misunderstanding this saying. "You only live once".

They use these words as an excuse to act completely and utterly stupid.

You only live once, so you should make the most of it, don't settle with having a average life unless that's what you want, go for your dreams and make sure you have a happy life with no regrets.

Picture all those teenagers who now use "YOLO" as an excuse to drink too much, take drugs, go home with someone you don't really know and have unprotected sex, 10 years later they will sit there thinking back to all the stupid mistakes they made, maybe with a child they had with a stranger, a STD that can never be cured, brain damage from alcohol or drugs... or maybe they won't even survive that long living that life. 

This is NOT making the most of your life, this is being an idiot who's trying to get themselves in serious trouble!

What YOLO is, is the principle of not saying "No, I'm too scared" to a dream you have all ways wanted to do, either to your self or anyone else! Don't let fear of the unknown stop you from accomplishing things in your life! 

When you are old your biggest regrets will be the dreams you never worked to make true! Make sure you try as much as you can to make your life what you want it to be so you won't have to look back and be disappointed in yourself. 

You will not be on your deathbed thinking "Yes I remember that party when I was 17, where I got SOOOO drunk and went home with that really cute guy! I barely remember what happened the next day but I woke up in his bed! THAT WAS LIKE SO TOTALLY AWESOME!" 

No. 

Just no.

This is a wonderful saying that tries to motivate people to follow their dreams and live a happy life! Use it for that! Not as a excuse to throw a rebellion against your parents.

The current way of following the saying is dangerous for your own health and others, not a way to be cool.

PS: I would like to add that even tho I mainly target young teenagers with this post there are many older morons who deserve a proper slap for still feeling the need to do this stuff.

Addiction

The word addiction should be split into two parts, one for the people who are physically addicted to stuff, drugs, alcohol ect... And another part for the ones that are addicted to chocolate, video games and such.

When someone tells me "I'm addicted to *****" I take that as a serious thing, as in you cannot go a day without it without feeling sick, even if you have a busy day where you don't have time to get bored and miss it you still feel sick from the lack of it. 

In my opinion this is addiction.These are the people I feel sorry for and want to help!

The people who say they are addicted to chocolate... It annoys me to be honest. I've seen a lot of addiction go about and to me it's a sensitive subject and I don't like it when people claim to be "addicted" and expect sympathy from the people around them just because they like eating chocolate when bored.

If you have ever been addicted to a substance that does not give you a physical effect from using it, let's continue using chocolate as an example for now: You have had a super busy day! Where you had no time to get bored and think "what to do now" at the end of the day, think back. Have you had any chocolate that day? Did you go around missing it all day? That's unlikely.

Some people convince themselves they are addicted to activities they enjoy, or they use the word "addiction" as an excuse to continue doing it. I do not respect these addictions to be completely honest, I am aware that the word addiction means : mood altering substance or behavior despite adverse consequences. So really it does cover it all! I can be addicted to tapping a pen on the table and making that annoying little clicking noise over and over... As long as I like it and keep doing it instead of doing homework, I am addicted!

But really can you compare this with being addicted to crack? Or alcohol? No! You can't. This is why there should be two different words for these completely different situations you can be in because one deserves a lot more attention then the other.

The "strong" kind of addiction, drugs and alcohol and such, these need medical help, not all become addicted to these either but you can actually get physically addicted to it, where you get really really sick if you don't have it, that's an addiction that you need to get help with and a lot of people continue having troubles with it their entire life.

This "weaker" kind of addiction is more of a mental addiction,  you want to do that instead of facing what you really should do, cos this is an easier way out.

It's not a medical condition that I will feel sorry for you for having if you just prefer playing a video game instead of doing real life stuff, it is hard to stop doing what feels better over what is hard work and effort. Video games are designed to make you want to play more, and do better, but that does not mean every person that ever plays it will get addicted, only some people do, mostly people that want to hide from reality, focusing on a game distracts you from other worries you might have and makes you only feel what is then happening in the game.

If it becomes a problem for you living your life because of a video game, is this an addiction that needs therapy? Or is the real thing you need help with the stuff that made you want to escape reality in the first place? If you focus your efforts on making your life better instead of playing this game then you will no longer feel the need to hide inside a game.

If your sad and eat chocolate then deal with what makes you sad, don't eat chocolate to feel better. This is about dealing with your problems and taking control of your life instead of dealing with the consequences of not doing it in the first place.

In general I feel if you just deal with your problems in life and don't tell yourself your "addicted" to stuff you enjoy doing but who has no actual effect on you physically you will be better off. 

I enjoy chocolate probably more then the average person, but I know not to eat it whenever I feel like it, it's simple enough that you resist your urge to eat it sometimes. Self control is not fun all the time, but nothing good comes for free. 

So the point of this rant... How can we call these two things addiction? The same word? It feels wrong to me. 

Change it

Are you really displeased with how your life is at the moment? Can't sleep at night because there is so much stuff on your mind that you could only hope to ever get off it!

You know what is the only way to fix it? Do something about it! 
Even if you fail at changing anything, at least you tried, and it's not like  not trying at all was helping either?

All most anything can be fixed with effort and time, but there is rarely a quick fix sadly!

If you want to change your life, only you can do this, and you are going to have to work hard no matter how little or big the part you want to change is.

You want a change? YOU have to change! No one else can help you, it's got to be all you, all the way.

ESPECIALLY if you are the problem, if you are not happy with yourself, how can anyone else fix that for you? Step up to the plate, not for anyone or anything else then for yourself, change how you think and in the end you will be happier.

If you manage to go through this alone, you will come out a so much stronger person that you would ever believe you could be! It's an amazing feeling when you can say you don't call someone else every time you don't know what to do, you just fix it, it's kinda called... being a independent adult actually!

When you are at a point where you fix your own problems, be the problem love, money, depression or anything else really, when you fix it all yourself, and you don't just sit around crying about it expecting some miracle to come along... then you my friend, are an independent human being! Go you!

Some people need to just man up and sort it themselves, and I am hoping that reading this will motivate some of them to do so. But odds are it will most likely make them feel a bit more shit about themselves and they will sit on their arse and think " I wish someone else could make me feel better now ".

If you get insulted by this and I annoyed you now, maybe you are one of those people who need to change something then? Because if you are happy with yourself you will simply nod in agreement!

Just want to add that I do not mean this to all people in all cases, if you get bullied or in real trouble, off course you should ask for help from other people! But I'm assuming people can see what I mean unless you are trying to look for something to say I was wrong about! :p 

And if you say you can't change, then at least don't whine about it not changing.

Higher Education

I got a problem with how the general higher education is done considering student motivation and followup to make sure they do what they need to.

I realize that in that after high school you are pretty much meant to be taking care of your own learning and finishing school on your own. But... how does this work really... before and up to high school you get a lot of help from teachers and the school does it's very best to help you succeed and pass your exams. 

And as soon as you get to the education that is going to make or break your future career it's your responsibility, no one to look over your shoulder, no one to make sure you do actually study, and no one to check if you really are ready for your exams when they come up. Kids that go right from high school to some form for higher education. It's kind of a shock for kids how much they can now decide what they do or not do considering school, a lot of them can't handle doing this on their own yet. 

You are much more likely to finish your exams well if you go back to school later in life, then you know how to take responsibility and you know you have to work hard to get it done, but a lot of people have never been faced with this before! It's not their fault they fail... They are kind of set up to fail to be honest.

If the government hire someone, maybe a shrink or just someone who can talk to these kids, so they have someone to give them an idea of how much school work they need to do each week not to get totally screwed over by the exams at the end of a semester. It might cost them a bit, but how many of these kids who fail their exams will end up living on disability checks in the end? Not all, but a fair amount! Quite sure it would be better off in the long run to just pay some people to help them in the start instead, and a lot of people would be happier! It would change quite a few lives. 

Holiday Traditions

While doing a paper for social studies about how the typical Norwegian family celebrates a few different holidays I had a realization.. What about the people that don't have family around, who don't have a bunch of traditions to go through, who spend these holidays alone. What do they do?

I actually have NO clue what those people do! At all! But I've come up with some theories!

1. They pool together money for a massive party! People from all across the country come to this one house where they celebrate the fact that they don't have to do ANY silly traditions that your family insists you should! They hire people from all across the world to entertain them! Loads of drinks and food served! And just party the entire day!

2. It's a conspiracy .... These are the people that watch over us.. and keep us in line... And on holidays when everyone is doing stuff.. They sneak into the houses while you go to church, visit family or stuff like that! Plant video cameras in your house and watches your every move! Dun dun dun... Scary shit! 

3. Giant squids stole their family and is keeping them hostage for as long as these people take to gather all of Norway's Oil supply and give it to them! 

BUT, on a more serious note: why are they alone? I'm sure they all got some friends that could have room for one more at their table! If they want to be alone sure, but I'm quite convinced they would still appreciate the offer. Most people don't wish to be alone, especially not during holidays, take a friend into your home and let them be a party of your family for a day instead. 

I love you all lonely people! <3 You can come visit me any holiday! (This statement does not count for my friends who might want to take advantage.)

Motivation

Motivation, do you have to wait for it to come to you, or make it yourself?

Either way you don't get much done without it! 

The biggest issue for me is motivating myself to do stuff that I should, but don't HAVE to do...

Especially if only I benefit from it! Maybe that's some kind of backwards selfishness! 

- Clean the house because it annoys me it's dusty... Not worth it. Clean the house because a friend is coming over... Done in 5 min. 

- Cook dinner for yourself? Nope! Cook dinner for guests? Well off course!  How many dishes!?

Maybe I should start promising my friends I will do my studies two nights a week... wonder if that would be enough to motivate me!

Usually other people fail at motivating each other... To some extent I believe it is possible, everyone has to find what motivates them and maybe someone else can help you find that thing. 

But motivation by force and guilt can only get you that far. You have to find that spark inside yourself, the part of you that when you feel like giving up and just going to bed and sleep for a year it tells you that you can keep going, you are too strong to give up now! That little spark is what everyone needs to succeed in life. Pretty much that simple! Your life is shit? Motivation will keep you going for as long as it takes for you to find a way to change it! 

I personally find mine when I'm low by just relaxing and thinking to myself, where am I at if I don't do this, is it going to be very bad or semi bad... Then I start by doing the stuff that is going to be really bad if I don't bother with, and usually by the time I finish that I think to myself "Ugh now it's barely anything left, if I do the rest too I can do nothing at all for ages!" 

By thinking this way I usually get stuff done quite fast, as the temptation of not having to do anything usually outweighs my need to sit still. 

But I'm quite curious on how people find their motivation to be honest, so for the first time I'm asking! How do you find your motivation to do stuff when you just do not want to do anything at all?

Cause and effect

Fascinating subject! This concept seems to be completely lost on some people in this world. I thought it was quite well known how this works, but off course I have a tendency to overestimate the human race now a days. 

So this is how it works:

-You break a window over your head? - It will rain glass on your face

-You don't want to eat healthy? - You will be unhealthy

-You sow flower seeds in your yard - You get a pretty garden

-You hug someone - You get a hug (yay! :D)

(The following situations are fictional and not based on a true story or person.)

 Now if this is manageable let's go advanced:

-You as a kid bully someone  - They become your future boss and make your life hell

-You talk shit about your friends behind their back - You don't have any good friends 

I can go on and on with examples all night but let's stop here, I hope the people who this concerns get the idea by now. 

What I'm trying to say in short is : If you act like a douche, it's going to come back and bite you in the arse!

And a tip to the people who listen to the ones that don't get this concept, when they come to you and ask: "Why did this happend to me, it's so unfair." 

Just tell them.. tell them they had it coming... tell them it's their own fault.... tell them to think BEFORE they act. Not doing this have hurt a lot of people over the times, and all because of them not bothering to think what the results might be. It is unfair to everyone involved.

 

Pity the fool!

I pity the fool! Who feels more sorry for him/herself then anyone else in the entire world in general!

Have you ever known one of those... the people who will go "I got a paper cut AND had a rough day at work, why does the world hate me so much!".

I see people like this actually say this people with real problems, and I admire those who have to listen to that crap... how do they resist the urge to punch them in the face?

If you walk past a homeless person sitting in the street with a needle next to him what do you think to yourself?

- Can't he get off the street, this is gross and scary.

- I wonder what happened in his life to make it come to this, I hope he finds his way back.

Should we pity you for having to deal with this in your town? Or pity him for having his life ruined somehow? To me there is a pretty clear answer to this! And I can not believe some people don't see it, how self absorbed can one human possibly be? 

"Oh it sucks that I have to pay taxes to help people who can't make their own money." 

Yes I'm sure paying a bit of your paycheck to help others is way worse then not being able to take care of yourself, not being able to life your life to the fullest.... That's not bad at all! Because they get your money! 

Should invent a new TV show.. Life switch! You send some whining person into the life of someone who has nothing, then maybe, just MAYBE they will find some sort of self awareness hidden deep inside their souls. 

From personal experience I have more then once uttered words like these "Oh I am terribly sorry that my severe depression is coming in the way of you wanting me to come drinking with you tonight...I will cheer up and join since you really wanted me too!"

Fun part is, not everyone noticed the sarcastic tone! 

I have many very very angry words to say to people like that! But I will keep them to myself, you can come up with your own! ;)

Religion II: Why does it exist and what is it for?

I've been wondering a lot about where religion came from, as someone wrote the books once a long long time ago... And no disrespect to anyone religious but I think it was just invented! There are so many religions, all over the world... it is unlikely that all are true is it not? Well it is actually impossible... as half of them say the others do not exist... or what the others believe is  true is actually blasphemy. Very confusing thing religion, how can one stand by one and tell others theirs is true and others are not? You simply can't do that, what you can say tho is your religion is the right one for you.

The reason people started writing these books, and telling people about this "higher power" that looks after us and decides our faith, I believe it has to be to help the ones that are scared, scared about life, about death... and of everything we can not control ourselves! It's a fair thing to worry about, both life and death... and without religion we can't really comfort those who ask the sad questions can we? Why did she die and not someone else? Who will help me when I got not family or friends? Do I disappear when I die? 

There are so many so difficult questions that no one can really give an answer to, and it's hard! It is very hard for people to just not know, something this important. 

I imagine this is how religion started... someone wanted to give people a comforting answer! There is someone who watches over you, and will help you when you are in need! Guide you when you are lost, and take care of you when you die and you will live on forever there! Is this not the best answer you could give anyone that ask those question? Of course it is! Most people would love to hear those! 

All over the world, societies were getting more and more evolved, people were asking more questions, wondering why, what and when! Well... they had to be told something from their "leaders", they were ment to know! 

Religion is a wonderful thing to be honest, it can give people security, and comfort them in hard times. I love the thought of it all! 

Sadly I can't convince myself that I believe any of it, I do really want to though! 

I believe in me, I believe I am the only one who controls what I do or not do! If i mess up then it's on me, and if I wish to get taken care of by some "higher power" I probably should marry a really rich strong and tall guy and settle down!