Coping Mechanism

Everyone has their own coping mechanism in bad situations and I think it's both sad and good to learn about them at the same time. 

The fact that anyone needs a way to cope, that their life is that sad that they can't just go about their normal ways, now that is sad... And sometimes the way they cope is heartbreaking as well... But that they have found a way to deal with it that helps them, I guess that's nice! 

Imagination can save a life, and in many cases it has. 
You often hear of people that were raped or tortured that they say they left their body, left their mind.. and just went somewhere safe until it was over. It's quite amazing how the human mind can save you from pain by just thinking extra hard for a while.

The reason I am writing this now is because I randomly remembered that I used to do this when I was a child and didn't know how to cope with life. I would simply not be in that life until I had something to occupy myself with. So I would not have to think or worry, I could just leave until I was too busy to sit down and think a bout stuff. 

I have never ever considered my childhood to be a bad one, and I never will... Because I had a wonderful family there with me and I had many good friends through the years. I never went hungry and I always knew I was safe with my mother and sister and the three of us did just fine. 

But this story I am about to write clearly shows that my mind as a child wanted it to be different. 

I had a lot of troubles going to school, and was pretty much a huge tantrum in a tiny body! All the days I did not go to school really upset my mother, and I felt guilty for not doing what I was meant to do, as all kids do... Go to school ain't that difficult is it? Well it was for me! 

So those days when I stayed home alone I had A LOT of time to think... something that was awful. So i went into a different world, I was usually some kind of animal... I've all ways admired animals so that's not really too weird, but I would all ways be a baby animal, and there would be a mother and a father animal as well! As in most kids stories! 

What I have now realized tho is the symbolism in what the stories was about... 
I, as the baby animal would get into trouble... and the mother animal would be upset and try to help... and then the big strong father animal would come fix everything! And we would live happily ever after.... 
And I went through scenarios like these in my mind close to every day for many years...  this was my escape from dealing with not being good enough and not being able to do things right.

Hm...

A small child might have more insight to life then we sometimes realize....

Daddy's Little Girl..

It's a wonderful thing what a dad and a daughter can have, being “Daddy's little girl” is something a lot of women can remember, or might still be! It has no age limit, it's simply a title filled with love and respect. The dad is a strong yet loving male figure in ones life and this can give you a great example on how men should treat you when you grow up! Or a horrible one... Sadly more often then it should be it's a bad one.

What really happens if this bubble bursts...

In a young girls eyes her dad should and hopefully is the one who protects you and will always be there when you are in trouble, but what if they are not? What if this once so familiar and safe person becomes someone you fear, someone you definitely can not count on to protect you or to help you?

No matter if you are a child or an adult by the time this shows itself to be the case, it's still scary.

Your on your own

At least that's how it seems at first! You might not be, you might have loads of family and friends there. But that's not always any help to you at the time.

The second you realize that this person you once looked to for being safe is now the thing you fear.

Is there still a place you're safe?

It breaks my heart to think about.

Usually I write some sort of self help way to make it better or bla bla bla! But I don't have any clue here I guess.
If you are one of these girls that “lost” their dad in that way, hugs for you! That's about all one can do! And hopefully the bond with your father may someday be healed.

When am I not "too young? (NAV logic).

This kind of thing is very popular to complain about in Norway, NAV as it is called here, is the social support system we have, similar to the dole in the UK.
It helps us get jobs, or helps us with money untill we get jobs, or support you for life if you got a disability ect! It does sound a bit silly that this is the system we complain a lot about here... but it is! Because it's a very faulty system, it gives support to lazy people who can't be arsed to work and it sometimes let sick people fall into the cracks of the system and it really fucks people over. 

Now this is not what I am going to write about, because in general I think the system works as well as you can expect, it deals with thousands of people every single day and MOST do get the help that they need. What I do not like with this office is that they hire anyone who can do the jobs in their office, at least this is how I see it. I have been in this system ever since I was old enough to be "their problem"! Every person involved with them get's their own case worker... I've had a few... and oh my f'ing god. THEY ARE MORONS. I met ONE person, that had actually read my file thru all these years there, ONE person who had any clue what would be a realistic goal for me, ONE person who listened and actually cared what my life ended up being. Clearly this is not the person who I get to stick with as my contact there, that would be too easy...

The people that know me are aware that I do not work, I can not work and I probably will never be able to keep a full time job, maybe with the right help I will in a few years be able to do part time! So I get support from NAV! (Despite the silly people that work there.) And I really appreciate the fact that I do get help and I am able to live on my own with the help form this system. Thank you Norway <3 (Despite the silly people that work there.)

But now... I have a question... I once again am looking for logic in something I've been told and I cannot find it! The very first time I went to a meeting with NAV, I believe I was about 17 back then, we were discussing what kind of support I should get from them and I had papers from doctors and all the needed stuff to prove I needed their help long term. But yet they insisted I only needed a temporary setup because "You are too young to settle with this support! You will get better and get a job soon so you don't need us anymore!" Ok, I can get that... IF that was even remotely realistic.... I told them and doctors told them that I was not going to be able to get better soon! So please give me long term help.. but they refused... 
I settled with that, because I kinda saw their point.. even tho my papers said I had been unable to do this for a loooong time, they had not seen it for themselves. So OK, I'll give them a couple of years and maybe they will give me long term help then! So I don't have to wonder every month if I will have money to pay my bills this time....

....

It's now been 5 years. They still tell me I'm too young to get long term help... so I still have to wonder every month... and hope it will work out with the bills. It mostly does! Thank god for that!  But it's starting to annoy me now... When am I old enough to earn the right to long term help? Are they just hoping I'll stop asking one day so they won't have to pay me properly? It's not like it's a lot more I get from them as in cash, but what I do get is the right to get a loan from a bank, help to buy a house or a car... I can't qualify for anything as it is now, because I am listed as "temporary" with them.
This is clearly bullshit, why are they doing this? It's not their personal money? They clearly know I am going to need their help forever... So WHYYYY! What's the point? Just to be assholes? I think that must be it. 

I will just keep nagging them till they give in... maybe when I am older then the case worker they assign me I won't be too young anymore... ...

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assholes...

More logical then NAV workers: